A Child

In my life, I've spent may conversation arguing with people about love, marriage and family. I got this perfect image of how i would treat my family. Love my wife and never looked any other girl, took care of my kids. And even after the mother of my child has gone, i wouldn't think about finding another woman.

But there was a big turn around in my life. A point where i gamble it all, my belief, my dream, and my hope. I think, This is it. The moment that I've been waiting for many years. All i got to do is be brave, be a man.

I've should have known, i never been good with gambling. I should have never gamble, especially not with life. Now i know why people always saying how life is unfair, that is because it cheats when you gamble with it.

So i lose, i lose big time.

Years has passed since that day. Many things happen, things that make me stronger and softer. But that things also makes me different. Now I'm totally scared, I can't be a father. I can't yell at my kids. I can't look them in the eyes and ground them, for mistakes they made. Knowing that i made the same mistake years a go. I can't even took care of my brothers :(

Now I'm so lost, lost from my way. I'm no good, I'm not family material. All i can do is bear my responsibilities given to me. And if i do that all my life and while not being happy. What kind of monster would i become ?

Kids can't live with a monster.