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Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Way

My last though in the matter of system-society-way. The seed of your young genius, radical entities. Will face a very thick huge wall. Before they could do something great, they need to survive first. They need someone, something to show them the way. That it is not impossible to do.

With out the glimpse of light, they would only get lost in the dark, and slowly dies and fade away.

~FD

The Society

Every society need a stable structure for it to be able to grow. But some time that stability if stagnant for a long time. It can drug us with being pro to the status Quo. That attitude could only bring the collapse of the society. We must keep evolving.

That is why, people that has new ideas, free being, radical entity. Must have a way to exist and survive in the society. That is the only way we could survive the test of time.


~FD

The systems

Di analisa D-I-S-C gw tergolong orang yang high S-C. Nilai Stability dan Compliancenya tergolong tinggi. Ini artinya gw termasuk orang yang nyaman berada didalam sebuah struktur yang baku dan sudah memiliki rule dengan standar operating procedurenya.

Tapi sejujurnya semenjak dulu gw selalu memimpikan hidup hidup sebagai seorang laki-laki sejati. Yang dalam kamus gw itu berarti hidup dengan prinsip, hanya menjunjung tinggi kebenaran, dan tidak terbelenggu harta dan posisi. Mengatakan sejujurnya apa yang ada di depan matanya, dan bisa meyadarkan orang-orang banyak untuk hidup di jalan yang benar. That's right, plain old stereotype from comic book of righteous hero.

Padahal kalau dipetakan ke realitas, gw sendiri yakin, bahwa pahlawan2 di buku komik itu tidak bisa 100% bertindak seperti yang mereka lakukan. Too many coincidence, people dies and live is always a bitch. But still... it must be wonderful to live like that. Every morning woke up feeling fresh and happy, living side-by-side with what you truly believe, and every day is pretty good day to die.

Tapi itu semua sepertinya berat untuk bisa hidup di jaman ini. Kita sebagai masyarakat sudah terlalu diperbudak dengan sistem. Kalau tidak mempunya cicilan rumah dan mobil untuk 15 tahun ke depan, tidak bisa hidup layak. Kalau tidak punya asuransi, tidak bisa melahirkan anak. Dan sakit berkepanjangan hanya akan menyeret orang-orang yang kita tinggalkan dengan hutang segunung yang harus dibayarkan ke pihak rumah sakit. And because of that we always live in fear. Bangun setiap pagi memikirkan 10 tahun kedepan,tidak pernah menikmati hari ini, membayangkan apakah kestabilan yang kita miliki ini akan tetap ada ?

Hutang yang membebani kita membuat kita tumpul untuk perduli terhadap sekitar kita. Sisi kemanusiaan semakin terkikis. Bayangkan betapa murahnya harga nyawa seorang manusia di jaman ini. Dengan uang asuransi 100 juta, seakan-akan semua kesedihan keluarga bisa ditebus lunas. 25 tahun pengorbanan membesarkan seorang anak terhapus dengan seuntai kata maaf seremonial tanpa niat yang sudah di ulang sebanyak 100.000 kali.

Bagaimana 1000 nyawa adalah harga yang layak untuk menyelamatkan 1.000.000 orang. Bagaimana nyawa 100 prajurit, 100 suami, 100 ayah adalah harga yang telah disiapkan demi nyawa Satu orang presiden. Kalau kita dilahirkan secara fitrah dan sejajar. Siapakah yang kemudian memberikan nilai jiwa-jiwa manusia ini. Dan siapakah yang melakukan diskon besar-besaran, sale of this century ? Siapakah sebetulnya yang paling mengerti berapa besar harga nyawa seseorang itu, kecuali dirinya sendiri dan mungkin orang tuanya ?

Dan mengapa begitu mudah kita memaafkan pembunuhan atas nama kecelakaan dan kemajuan teknologi. Ketika hukuman diterima hanyalah 3 bulan bermain sinetron dimata publik. Untuk mengulangi kesalahan yang sama 6 bulan kemudian tanpa ada beban moral sedikit pun.

Apakah kita sudah begitu tumpul, hidup bagaikan mayat hidup. Mengikuti perkembangan zaman yang telah ditentukan oleh orang-orang yang tidak mengerti arti mendasar menjadi manusia. Untuk berkata sakit jika kita sakit, untuk berteriak tolong saat kita membutuhkan pertolongan, dan untuk mengulurkan tangan disaat orang lain membutuhkan pertolongan.

So tell me, how to make our selves to wake up from this fake reality.

PS: ada satu frase yang baru gw dengar tapi i fall in love with it immediately
"Kebenaran kadang-kadang tidak terlihat karena tertutup bayangan 'akal sehat'. 'Jangan menyerah', meskipun kata itu sederhana. Pada akhirnya hanya itu yang bisa kita pegang.


~FD

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Money, between ends and means

Kalau ada yang bilang 'gw cari kantor lain dengan gaji yang lebih besar dong', dari sini sudah terlihat indikasi, bahwa bagi dia money menjadi ends. Tujuan utamanya adalah pendapatan yang lebih besar. Faktor-faktor lain seperti environment, work pressure, personal time, it all comes secondary.

Gak salah sih, bisa jadi orang yang berpikiran seperti ini belum tentu karena mata duitan. Tetapi bisa saja karena dia sudah memiliki skill set yang spesifik, tidak banyak alternatif untuk mengembangkan diri, makanya salah satu cara paling tepat untuk memotivasi diri, adalah dengan hal ini.

Tetapi untuk saat ini gw sedang mencoba menggeser perpektif gw terhadap hal ini. Bagaimana agar money menjadi 'sekedar' means untuk hal-hal yang gw lakukan. Apakah itu berarti gw sebelumnya mata duitan ? Gak juga sih, lebih tepatnya adalah ketakutan akan kehilangan pendapatan tetap perbulan. Yang jumlahnya di atas rata-rata itu. And I dont think i can make that kind of money anymore.

Tapi kembali lagi, kalau money sudah menjadi means, jumlahnya sudah tidak terlalu penting lagi. Asal cukup untuk mendanai hal-hal yang ingin lu lakukan, bisa hidup dengan layak, itu sudah lebih dari cukup. Tidak perduli dia turun naik, tidak selalu tiap bulan didapat, atau bahkan tidak sebesar pendapatan sebelumnya. Tapi untuk dapat melakukan hal itu dibutuhkan beberapa hal. Ketabahan yang tinggi dan faith yang bisa membuat tetap bersabar dan percaya bahwa rejeki itu bisa datang dari mana saja.

Tapi satu hal yang pasti gw tahu. Kalau menjadikan money sebagai ends. Hidup gw tidak akan pernah bahagia selamanya :D

~FD

Collectibles

Kalau ingat 3 tahun lalu, waktu masih bekerja di perusahaan ke dua. Setelah menabung 3 tahun akhirnya mampu beli motor sendiri. Supra-X 125 R :D cash, gak pake kredit-kreditan. Di perusahaan berikutnya dapat parka merah, gak beli sendiri sih. Tapi bisa jadi itu adalah barang paling berharga yang gw punya :P Lalu di company ini, udah dapet PX-100, Kompie baru, si Zotac, sama Hero :D

hm.. dengan adanya barang-barang itu, setidaknya bisa mengingat tangis, darah, dan air mata yang gw cucurkan saat bekerja di tempat-tempat itu. Dan mengingatkan bahwa waktu gw selama ini membawa hasil. Walaupun hasil yang paling besar adalah perubahan dalam diri gw sendiri :D

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Javascript in Tapestry5

Okay, lets start from the beginning.

This is the basic thing that i need to know :
1. how to transfer data between tapestry class and my javascript library
a. from javascript to tapestry page class
b. from page class to javascritp

2. How to invoke
a. javascript from tapestry class
b. tapestry class from javascript.

well so far the answers is :
1a. The easiest way was to create a hidden variable that could be accessed from the class.
1b. Is by returning a JSON object that being invoked by javascript. Something more or less like this,

public JSONArray getArea() {
System.out.println("=== Getting area in javascript ");

List areaMarkers = areaEngine.getAllAreaMarkers();
return jsonProcessor.marshal(areaMarkers);

}


Well for the other two is blank for me :(, I'll update this if i have the answer.

~FD

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The future journey

this was post around 5 months ago. From that time I've overcome many other panic attack. Live was like a roller coaster. Ups and downs and more in the down side of things. Well I've survived, but its not pretty. And along the way, although you've got accustomed with this things, but slowly but sure this things are taking a toll on me.

I'm not stupid to jump to a decision only based on emotion and short term reaction. Actually I'm a very calculated and often over thinking my decision, scenario A, B, C, D and the backup :P

So that is why after five month of coming to the same conclusion, i finally take it another step. I've informed my team that i was thinking of quitting between April and August. Its not final yet, but with the current condition, I'm hoping that I have the courage to make it into reality.

The truth is I'm scared shitles to the bone. I don't know how to make money after i quit. Yes i have plan A through D, but none of it involved a safe and secure way to make a living. Hell i don't even know if anyone would buy my services or product because my QA skill sucks. And I'm too introvert to have a good network.

But i want to live my life the way i want it. Not living someone else dream. Or following the dogma of others. I want to be happy with who I am, making my existence have an impact to this world. Not merely passing live day by day, and at some point seeing the old days and wondered, where all of my time has gone ?

For all the suffering I've been through, after all the walls that I've taken down. I think i deserves and finally bought one of two years of my live to became who i really am, the true me. Creating things i want to create, exploring things i want to explore, and making sure that i have all of the time i want. I would still be the part of my family, society and the world. But at least now I'm free to the things I want and whenever i wanted to.

So now I pray that 3-6 month from now, I still have the same Courage and Bravery to take my first step to the dangerous road, the open water, the wild world. Fueled with believe and faith and surround by calmness and open mind. And somehow i manage a small smile in the process of writing this. I'm getting excited of the limitless possibility. Maybe, it would be a wonderful journey after all... :)

~FD

Why do they hate them so much ?

I've just watched Fringe latest episode, season 2 episode 11. What strike me is that why do religion is keep being pushes around ? Most tv series would picture that a priest would only hinder the main actor investigation, using dogma like some one that is not touch with progress and reality. Although in the end the actor would reveal that s/he also have to rely on faith sometimes. But i think that just bullshit! Something to soothe the message, to make sure that no riot will come out from the episode. The message was clear, you need to rely on your self first. After the result has been achieved, then you can make this lip service about philosophical thing. Wall in truth, inside you're the same cocky human as ever.

Well the media is a powerful propaganda tools. The message that has been pass to your subconsciousness, although subtle it will sink to the bottom of your mind. Especially with the new generation. No wonder this generation is close with frustrated, suicidal and criminal term. When you've been teach all of your life, that no help would come to you from the outside. That help would come in many different ways. Believe is a very important thing, and not believing another human being 100%, especially the elites, its also important thing.

This problem can be seen from many perspective. There's a lot of conspiracy theories that revolves around world domination, how to blur the edges between religion, how to mix certain religion to create a new one that would comply with the New World Order. Well i don't want to jump to the same pool. For me religion is very important, like i said before, human needs help from the outside. If we only think that all of the things is only happened because of us, because of our great talent, because of our extreme effort only. Then it would only bring a huge pressure to our fragile conscious mind. And because of that, to save the religion that i depends on so much, i rather turn inside instead of outside.

Yes, the portrait is mostly about western religion. Priest, church, etc. But if you turn the camera around to Islam, you will get the same picture. For this 500 years how much do our religion progress ? what new finding has come ? or do we do and understand the same thing as people five hundred years ago about our ritual ? or even less ?

These things, the thing that we need to know so much. These things that make us close and befriend with our souls is so hard to acquire. Over shadowed with scientific experiment and pop culture. Its like a different world, an exlusive worlds that we, the common people, the one that work, not the one that give our 100% lives to religion, has no access to. And even when we finally do, it feels so distant with the daily reality we face.

I want to bring this information to the public. I want them to have an easy access to it, and have an easy way to understand it, without prior has to understand 5 kitab, before finally getting to the point that they want to understand. I want the evolution in our 1500 year history in religion can be seen by mere people. I want the two world to be merge back to one. And i bet the way people think in the movies doesn't cover 30% of what the people of the whole earth really felt about their religion.

And what about how we spread our prophet words ? Do in the past 500 years changed much ? To be honest i hate it, i hate the way it being spread. I hate the way it being pushed into my mind, "just accept it, because its all been this way since it been taught". It feels like dogma, and we're the sentinel that cannot think freely. If science, culture and even the earth moves in 500 years, then why do religion is the only thing that stay and choose to be left behind ?

And also it gives the one that teaches it a structural divinity. Because they learn it full time, because they know it before we do, that what ever comes out from their mind is right. Weather its actually the teaching or just a product of their own mind separated from the teaching. The mind that is not critical, and cling to the power and position too much, cannot be trusted !

And that is why religion for me is like a journey, we can start from a different entry point. We can choose a different path, but as long as we have the same guidance we will always heading to the same direction.

And that is why, i enjoy the people that teaches religion without inserting words into our mouth. Or saying you can't do this, you can't do that. Blasphemy, ignorant, future tenant of hell saying things that no impact to the humans that has separated between soul and the logical being. I like the people that guide us in our journey. Teaches what is forbidden and whats not, why is that and guide us to the right action and allow us to make the mistake that will be the base to our stronger faith. And also the people that know and do what the common people do, so we doesn't feel like living in two worlds. Because in the end we are only a mere puny humans. Who without making peace and embrace our religion, would only get more frustrated and maybe someday wiped out from this earth and replace by another species. In order to survice, we must not let go of our faith !

~FD

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Sakaw

Okay, I'm frustrated.

Yeah, hampir pasti penyulutnya pekerjaan kantor. Ingin fokus, mencurahkan perhatian ke satu hal. Selalu aja ada something yang urgent mengganggu. Ter-'distract' akhirnya konsentrasi terpecah. Mencoba mengakomodasi kedua hal, you know because I'm professional. Akhirnya malah jadi stress, depresi dan kedua project jadi mandeg. Jalan kayak siput, yang ada malah marah-marah disini dan tidak perduli dengan antusiasme di awal project. Singkat kata, "Whatever !!!".

Otak gw terkadang terlalu kreatif dalam berpikir. Sangking banyaknya akhirnya tidak ada satu pun ide yang keluar, yang bisa dibilang finish. Terkadang begitu mendamba, mempunyai waktu tak terbatas untuk mengejar ide-ide. Menelorkan satu produk ke produk lain. And i mean my brain product, making what comes to mind into realization.

Tetapi harus realistis juga, ide-ide yang keluar dari otak gw gak berorientasi money, mungkin someday bisa. Tapi itu artinya hidup mengejar kebahagian tanpa memiliki uang. Berani gak yah :P

~FD

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The collapse of a Society

I was watching Jared Diamond 2003 presentation of the collapse of a society. There is two glimpse of thing that divert my attention from the presentation. First when he mention some of the society that last thousand of years and didn't collapse he mention java. And then when he sample the society that going to collapse he mention Indonesia.

And another thing, he mention that if an elite decisions often benefits them selves in the short term and the group in the long term. Especially when they able to shelter them selves from the effect. That is definitely one of the big factor that contribute to the Collapse of A Society. I've seen that symptoms too many times in my country but didn't know how counter it.

Oh well, people get what they deserves.

Firefox FLV Cache

There are some tools for storing streaming video from youtube or other site like keepvid.com or flv plugins for firefox. But usually just use the manual way. I go to the firefox cache directory, see the latest and usually the largest file size. Copy it to other directory and give it an .flv extensions.

One thing that i don't understand, when I watch a rather long videos, usually the file in the cache would only store 25,584 KB of the file. This numbers is the same no matter what long video I cache. And what rather interest me is, when i see the video in my browser. It still replay able to its full length.

Today i Google some info, and i think i found the answer. First you can type about:cache in your firefox address bar. There you can see the Disk Cache Device information. It can show you how many entries in your cache, Maximum Storage Size, Storage in use, and a link to the cache directory.

Well one thing that i realize is, the size of 25,548. Is the size of half of the default Maximum Storage Size in firefox, which is 50 MB. So i tried to increase the Maximum Storage Size to 200 MB and refresh the video I'm watching, and finally able to get the full size video, which in my experiment is 29,418 KB.

I think firefox is limiting the size of a cache file into half of the maximum Disk Space. This because its almost imposible for a cache directory to only contains a single file. Almost all the time the directory will contains more than one file.

But that doesn't answer why i could re-play the full file in my browser ?

My guess is, it is stored in the memory. To prove it i try watch the firefox memory usage in windows task manager. And close the tab and reopen it again. The memory usage drop significantly, but not quite the same as the full size of the file. But i'm guessing that my hunch is correct.

Seeing the dot

I never like apple for their Propietary View of things. But i enjoy some of their product as the finest like iPod and iTunes, never like mac though.

well this speech is clearly in mind with all of my though so far. Now, finding the courage and the necessary way is all i hope to do.

What Does your Day meant to you ?

For me, mostly its about work. What i neglect yesterday, what i need to prepare for next week project activities. Learn-learn-learn about our product, etc. While weekend was fill with lazying up at my room, and maybe some activities that would keep me from getting kicked out from this human society.

That is why i enjoy long weekend. Since taking holiday need me to prepare who in charge for me at work. Or the deadline is to short for you to take holiday reasons. In this 3 long weekend i manage to do the things that my brain wants. It do everything that it wants. Learn new things without focus, the adrenaline thrill that it needs. Waking up till morning, etc. No matter how unproductive and lazy that sounds. Somehow i fill enrich. And each days means something, i feel like I'm growing limitless to my potential.

I wish all of my day would feel like this. Not knowing of what i would learn, or what I'm going to achieve that day. Instead of in the frame of work like ogre from 8-5. Hopefully that day will come soon, somewhere in this year :D

~FD

Saturday, January 2, 2010

First Draft

Selama ini terkadang karena terlalu ingin membuat tulisan yang terstruktur dengan bagus, akhirnya karena terlalu memperhatikan punctuation, penggunaan bahasa, flow dari tulisan, kata yang selalu dipakai berulang-ulang. Akhirnya ide yang ingin dituliskan menjadi terhambat, dan terkadang malah lupa sama sekali.

Gw sudah menyadari ada sedikit gap antara ide yang ada di otak gw dengan kemampuan untuk menyalurkannya agar orang lain dapat mengerti. Tadinya gw pikir dengan belajar menulis lama-lama gap itu akan menghilang dengan sendirinya. Dari dulu soalnya gw punya pemikiran, writing is a skill that can be mastered. Tapi sepertinya di awal tahun ini gw mulai mengerti sesuatu. Dan mulai menerima, ternyata begitulah cara otak gw bekerja, tidak terstruktur. Saat menuangkan satu ide, ternyata bisa berkembang terus yang kadang-kadang kaitannya tidak terlihat langsung. Tetapi butuh waktu memahami dan meletakkan ke dalam alur yang sesuai.

Terkait dengan hal itu, agar lebih mendorong otak gw supaya lebih kreatif memunculkan ide dan pemikiran. Salah satu jalannya adalah dengan tidak menghentikan flow atau mood yang ada. Sehingga mulai saat ini, jika lu melihat tanda ~FD di akhir post. Ttu tandanya tulisan itu adalah First Draft, hasil pemikiran yang benar-benar fresh dari kepala gw. Tanpa sensor tanpa editor yang memperhatikan kebenaran penggunaan kata2 dan tanda baca. Mungkin suatu hari gw akan mengedit tulisan tersebut menjadi lebih terstruktur dan lebih mudah dibaca, mungkin juga tidak. Berawal dari hari ini, my Brain is the King :)

~Cherio
~FD

Start up - part 2

Sebetulnya pemikiran ini sama munculnya dengan saat gw menulis mengenai start-up. Tapi sengaja dipisah supaya lebih menarik dibaca, gak bingungin , karena domainnya sedikit berbeda.

Pertanyaan yang muncul adalah apakah yang membedakan start up di silicon valey dengan start up di indonesia ?

Berdasarkan pemikiran gw, ternyata cukup banyak. Yang paling mendasar adalah perbedaan negara dan masyarakatnya. Di amerika, karena negara maju yang sudah mapan. Maka kebanyakan motivasi yang muncul adalah dari mewujudkan sebuah ide kreatif. Sedangkan kalau di indonesia karena negara berkembang yang masih belum menemukan kestabilan, maka kebanyakan motivasinya adalah bagaimana menciptakan sebuah killer app yang akan membuat mereka menjadi milyuner !

Kemudian kemasalah teknologi. Karena inovasi teknologi rata-rata muncul dari amerika. Maka sebagian besar start-up berusaha untuk membuat sebuah teknologi yang belum ada sebelumnya, atau setidaknya meng-upgrade kemampuan teknologi itu dengan membuat sebuah inovasi unik. Sedangkan di indonesia, untuk menerapkan teknologi maju saja Human Resource-nya terbatas, apalagi membuat sebuah inovasi yang benar-benar baru. Makanya sebagian besar start-up bergerak di bidang implementasi teknologi, atau how to moneytize that technology to the indonesian domain.

Selanjutnya, di Amerika, mereka paham dari awal membuat start up, kalau ide mereka cukup menarik, teknologi yang dihasilkan bagus, mereka akan mendapat pembiayaan dan reward finansial yang sepadan terhadap usahanya. Di indonesia, kalau start up membuat sebuah teknologi yang inovatif, biasanya mereka juga harus ikut memikirkan bagaimana cara memasarkannya. Dan biasanya juga dihantui dengan sebuah ketakutan. Kalau teknologinya terlalu canggih, malah tidak bisa dipakai dan tidak laku di indonesia.

Mulai kelihatan kan pola perbedaannya. Kalau saja kita bisa mensimulai beberapa komponen pendukung environment ini. Mungkin saja tidak sekedar sebuah environment start up yang bagus yang akan hadir. Tetapi kemampuan sesungguhnya dari bangsa indonesia untuk bermain di kancah dunia. Okay, mulai jadi orang indonesia yang harus punya grand goals. Gak penting, lebih penting small ideas yang berhasil diwujudkan :P

Jadi terpikir, asal bisa mendukung satu startup untuk menjadi succes story. Lalu mengadakan pertemuan-pertemuan rutin untuk menginspirasi orang-orang lain. Mungkinkah jadi sebuah awal ?

oh yah, ternyata reddit punya tampilan yang lebih bagus di http://redditall.com/

~FD

Start up

Bagi yang tidak tahu Alexis Ohanian, dia adalah salah seorang pendiri reddit. Salah satu startup dan perusahaan web 2.0. Sebetulnya gw juga gak tahu nama dia, sampai melihat salah satu presentasi dia di TED.com

Orang ini tahu bagaimana cara membuat presentasi yang bagus, singkat, padat, mengena dan yang paling penting, tidak membosankan. Jadilah gw sedikit googling tentang dia dan menemukan salah satu cerita mengenai presentasi dia di startup school. Salah satu ajang pertemuan start up yang di sponsori Y Combinator salah satu Venture Capital yang terkenal di silicon valley.

Sayangnya gw tidak menemukan video presentasi dia disana, melihat slide-nya saja tidak cukup. Karena cara dia membawakan presentasinya lah yang membuat orang-orang tertarik. Apalagi kalau dilihat dari komentar yang ada, sensasi yang ditinggalkan presentasinya mengingatkan bagaimana menyenangkan menciptakan sebuah startup. Penjelasah lebih detilnya bisa dilihat di link ke particletree.com :)

Kalau efek dari perasaan ini dibawa ke pemikiran mengenai start-up di indonesia. Jadi terpikir, mengapa tidak banyak start-up di indonesia ? Yea-yea, banyak alasan seperti regulasi, korupsi, environment, timbal balik yang tidak sepadan, bla-bla. Tapi satu hal yang menurut gw sebenarnya bisa menjadi katalisator, tetapi saat ini belum ada di indonesia.

Start-up butuh inspirasi, mereka butuh success story. Mendengar cerita dari orang-orang yang menjalaninya. Diingatkan mengenai betapa menyenangkannya ketika berhasil mewujudkan sebuah ide yang ada dipikiran lu. Orang-orang perlu di yakinkan, bukan dengan imbalan uang, bukan dengan perhitungan matang mengenai resiko dan reward yang bakal didapat. Tetapi dengan sebuah lingkungan, komunitas yang bisa berbagi cerita dan mengingatkan tentang menyenangkannya mewujudkan sebuah ide.

Senioritas

Baru sampai kerumah setelah kumpul dengan beberapa teman. Ada satu hal yang muncul efek dari obrolan tadi.

Di negara kita memang kultur senioritas itu tinggi sekali. Terutama di lembaga-lembaga pemerintah. Dan ternyata universitas pun tidak terlepas dari hal ini. Tak heran banyak pemikir-pemikir muda indonesia yang lebih memilih untuk bekerja di luar negeri. Karena dengan prestasi, mereka mampu mendobrak hingga lapisan tertentu dari birokrasi yang ada. Dibandingkan di indonesia yang walaupun berprestasi bagaimanapun tetap saja akan disuruh buat kopi atau teh kalau masuk sebuah BUMN.

Jadi bagaimana cara memperbaikinya ?

Merubah kultur memang sulit, cara terbaik mungkin dengan membuat regulasi. Yang memungkinkan beberapa posisi krusial bisa diraih tanpa harus mengikuti jenjang senioritas tersebut. Penilaian hanya dari sebatas prestasi.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Inheritance

My 1'st post in 2010, its 12:13 AM right now in my place.

I never liked inheritance, i have a subtle attitude of rejecting everything that was given time. I didn't consciously do it, with intention of disrespect or dissing someone. It just something i do, sometimes its so subtle that people wouldn't notice. But as time goes by they would wonders why i rarely accept things from them.

Maybe because I'm used of not having anything. Getting used working hard to get the things that i wanted. As i grew up i just only have one track mind, get the things that i want, and getting it with my own way. And that is what growing up means to me.

New years doesn't mean much to me. For me, seeing from flow of time perspective, it just another day passes by. If the day changes also reset the month and year counter. In essence its the same flow of time like everyday occurrence.

So celebrating this year new years was never in my schedule. I rather study something or watch a movie, enjoying my rare peaceful time. So when a neighbor asking me to come out and enjoy some barbecue with them, i politely decline. A bit a shame, there's nothing wrong with their invitation, and socializing with other people would be good. It just like what i said at the beginning. This social interaction is an inheritance from my parents. Don't get me wrong as a good kid, i will treasure and cherish what my parents had. But in truth , i would never feel it as mine. So i do what i must do, but sometimes rejecting things that was not my obligation.

Yes, I'm acting like an ass, a total jerk. But home always means one thing to me. A thing that makes it different from any other place in the world. Home is a place where no matter how selfish, introvert, egoist, and stubborn I am, it will always has a place for me. A place to be my self without thinking about anything else.